The conclusion of the matter to both of my breast cancer battles of 2011 and 2016 is that God saved me, raised me and spared my life. Through all that my body endured, He gave me grace, mercy and healing. There are many, many times when I question the purpose, the reason for it all. I do not understand why He allowed me to experience breast cancer twice. I have resolved that I may not get the answer that I am seeking in this life. That may be one of those, “When I get to heaven I’m going to ask God why,” questions.
No matter what I have been through, I have remained faithful and constant in my belief that He is God and because I am His child, He knows what is best for me. God understands my questions. He understands my confusion and He even understands the times when I have been angry with Him. His love for me during these times has never wavered. His love for me has never stopped and I never will.
I have flipped my breast cancer experiences every which-a-way. I have examined myself spiritually. I have questioned whether breast cancer was a curse, or some sort of punishment or reprimand from God for something that I have done in my life. I have wondered if it was brought on by poor diet, stress, or unforgiveness. I mean, every kind of question that one could ask in reference to “why,” I have asked, inwardly.
In the midst of all my questioning and introspection, I am constantly steered in the direction of FAITH and TRUST. It is not in God’s character to punish His children for things they have already confessed to Him. He is a forgiving and gracious God who does not delight in punishing His children. Because I know of many Christians who have had BAD THINGS happen to them, I do not by any means feel singled out.
Throughout the cancer battle of 2016, I have written about my experience, not just with doctors and cancer, but also with God. My purpose for choosing to write about my experience was so that I could help others. I know that this has been accomplished. I also know that although I am done with treatment and have been declared CANCER FREE, I need to continue helping others and telling them about God’s goodness.
Currently, I feel as if I am in a TRANSITIONAL SEASON of my life. I have been through so much in the past 10 months. My body is exhausted and my spirit is weary. I need to be still. I need to be refreshed. I feel like I need to press pause. I need to take in ALL THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH. I need a time of reflection. A time to reconnect with myself and my family. I need to hear God. I need Him to tell me what is NEXT for me.
I will NEVER FORGET what I have been through with regards to battling breast cancer. I need to relish in the fact that I am a VICTOR and not a VICTIM. I wish to STEP BACK for a while. I need to lay the sword down. I need to rediscover myself, my purpose and direction in life. I am not the same person that I was 10 months ago. A lot has changed and I need to gradually put the pieces of the new puzzle of my life together.
As I write these words, I am filled with immense sadness. I do not know why, but I am. Perhaps it is because I do not know when my next blog will be written. I do not know if I will continue to write a blog. In all honesty, I do not know in which direction my life will go. I believe that there is a new life for me; One filled with pleasures, joys and laughter unspeakable.
So, please be patient with me as I take a journey of rediscovery. Please pray that I will be BOLD in my adventures and UNABASHED in my desire to discover what is next.
I will post the journals of my 2016 breast cancer experience. The journals will be released on a weekly basis and I hope that you are inspired by each one.
Be blessed. Until next time, Ciao!♥
Please continue to keep in touch with me via email. I can be reached at email@example.com.
“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” Acts 20:24 The Holy Bible, New International Version